A SUDDEN PAIN

 Joey is so proud of his Esperanza meeting - and especially his new gold outfit - when suddenly -

         I have my gold outfit now- I am bad. And I’m going to swagger that way into school, wearing it today. Yet, I also feel kind of alone, a twinge of sadness overtakes me. I want to share this moment with somebody. I had always shared times like this with Skinny before, and it really pained me that this sort of distance had developed between us. I knew he kind of resented that I had pulled away lately, and was acting so “cool.” But I missed him. I wanted to make it up to him; I wanted it to be more like the old times. We hadn’t even been walking to school together lately like we had always done. I decided that this morning, I’m going to let him in on everything that’s been going on with me now. I’ll take the initiative. I walk across the street to his house to pick him up for school, and am both amazed and dismayed when Aunt Tina informs me that he had already gone. And it’s like ten minutes earlier than we usually leave! What the hell is going on? Maybe he’s walking with Daniel Webb? Yeah, that’s it. I figure if I hurry, I can probably catch them on the next block. I take a right down John Street, and break into a trot on Fourth Avenue. Ah, just as I thought! There he is about two blocks ahead of me, walking with somebody, although it doesn’t look like Daniel. As I gallop up the road to catch them, I can see now it’s definitely not Daniel. It’s a girl, and they’re both talking animatedly. As I get closer, I don’t want to appear all flushed and sweaty and anxious, especially not with my new rags. Remain cool at all times. I now bop up to them at a kind of casual pace, as if I just happened upon them by accident.

“Kyla McBride?”

What the hell was he doing walking with her? An instant shot of jealousy unexpectedly rages through me, as I try to cover up my grimace. Man, she looks cute! I haven’t seen her in a little while, and it seems she has now blossomed into full beauty.

“H-hey, Kyla - hey, Skinny… what’s up?”

 The situation, at least for me, seems painfully awkward.

I become a bit self-conscious of them just staring at me for a few seconds, as I look down at my gold outfit. It’s a look kind of between astonishment and confusion.

“Um-yeah…I-uh-just bought this at Three Guys the other day.” I struggle to regain some form of composure.

“Oh! That’s nice, Joey.” Kyla comments. Skinny nods his head.

The conversation is pretty stilted, as we all walk the rest of the way to school. Then Skinny walks her over to the ninth grade entrance door, disappearing inside.

And I was alone.

I fight myself to contain the angry bile bubbling up in my stomach. And the hurt. I mean, Skinny knows that I had really liked Kyla. Apparently, I still do. But why is it affecting me this way? I mean, I’m in love with Esperanza! I have new friends now – I’ve gotten past all that.

I walk into school, cloaked in an invisible shroud of dejection where my gold clothes should have been. Even though I notice people observing my new outfit, probably with admiration, my day is ruined.