Thank God for my mustache!

So, in the last episode, Na-Na Johnson saved me from certain death at the hands of David White and the Orange Face brothers - because I had a mustache….and I stumbled upon, quite by accident, a particular black male myth.

I’m pretty sure they thought it was a particularly ‘white’ thing. Some kind of crazy white phenomenon. Maybe that’s why Na-Na seemed so fascinated by it. Because they never did it. He was so impressed. I’m still intrigued, though, as to where he received this information about facial hair somehow being a result of it, and how exactly it made you strong. Again, thank God for my Sicilian heritage - we always got hairy faster. Actually, it was quite a prestigious honor that Na-Na even thought that about me. I had achieved such a lofty position. I mean, it was a pretty big deal - nobody I knew had ever done it, even though a couple of them lied about it.

In truth, I had barely even kissed a girl yet. Esperanza’s kiss was practically my first one. I didn’t even know what a vagina really looked like. I mean, I did, but not up close and personal, you know?

I need to find out about this stuff, somehow. But who could I talk to about it? Where could I go? Who could I ask? Certainly not my father. Rule that out right now. Skinny and Ricky know even less about it than I do. I’m sure Na-Na would soon…maybe even tomorrow, be pumping me for more details, so I have to know something about it. Especially if I want Esperanza to think I’m anything more than just a dorky kid.  No, this is important.

An epiphany. Cumberland Farms sells Playboy - and Penthouse Forum magazines, too! They’re there in the back corner of the store, right above the Monster Truck and Soldier of Fortune magazines.