OPERATION RESCUE ESPERANZA

Joey is saddened and distraught to see Esperanza’s appearance when he visits her at Tijeras de Oro, but is determined to get through to her

She gazes at me blankly, lazily.
“Hey baby,” she drawls emotionlessly, at last.
An awkward silent pause follows.
“Uh…do you know who I am?” I feel stupid, exposed, like an eight-year old schoolboy at a MAMBLA (Man-Boy Love Association) convention.
“Yeah, papi…I know who you be” she giggles slightly.
“Um-Esperanza, (I smile brightly now), I got something to…real important… to tell you... to show you”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think we could, like, go outside or something for a minute?”
She smiles laconically.
“Let me finish with this lady here, OK?”
“Te gusta, mami?” She asks her customer.
“Si, pero un poco mas por este lado, ok?” She directs.
Esperanza finishes up in a few more minutes and kind of robotically dusts the chair off with a whisk broom.
“Mi voy a fumar!” she calls out to nobody in particular.
“C’mon, honey – let’s go.”
We’re both outside now, in the little alleyway next to the store, and she’s trying to light her cigarette, but in kind of this absent-minded way, with no particular focus. She’s fumbling with it, making attempt after attempt. I’m cringing now. It’s actually painful to watch. I mean, usually, I could watch her go through that motion all day, she’s so smooth and fluid and sexy. But now… it’s kind of just breaking my heart. Finally, she succeeds in lighting it, and exhaling, watches the rings of smoke become one with the grey polluted air.
She starts giggling.
Frustrations seethes through my chest, building up like a broken pipe ready to blow steam! I want - I need - to get through to her, to connect on some level. I want to bawl at the same time, a bewildering torrent of emotions rocks me. I’m in awe of her, still.
“What do you want to tell me, baby?”
I try to carefully measure my words, an attempt to reach out.
“Esperanza, remember when I made that drawing of you?”
She nods, exhaling skyward.
“Well – um - you liked that, right?”
She nods again.
“Yeah, of course, papi.”
“Ok, check this out…I made something for you that’s way better. Way bigger! It’s like - a monument…
I search her face for any type of reaction.
“The only thing is…it’s at my school…
Do…you…think…you can…um…come to the school? With me?” She giggles, her eyes drooping. I command myself to stay cool, stay focused.
“I’ll pick you up here… and we can go, ok?”
“Yeah baby, of course.” She finally responds.
“When do you want me to come up?”
“Come up…like, tomorrow, ok?”
“Tomorrow…you sure?”
“Yeah”
“Ok, I’m gonna come up tomorrow, right after school, alright? Do you think you can get off around, like, 3:30?”
“Baby, I can do what I want.”
She flicks the butt of her smoked-up cigarette onto the concrete.
“I gotta get back now, papi, I see you tomorrow.”
She drifts away, like the smoke rings from her Virginia Slims, and back into the shop. I half-step down the street, a growing feeling of emptiness, pervading my soul