LA VENDETTA

The guy’s name is Gentile. We call him Mr. Gentile cuz we’re polite kind of kids…he was my first real experience in dealing with an adult bullshit artist. So, Gentile is known as a real pillar of the community type, y’know? Family man, good Catholic, God-fearing, tax-paying - the whole deal. He has a nice, respectable house on this street in Roselle, NJ, where me and my cousins and some of the neighborhood kids play stickball, right?

It’s the summer of 1976. I’m 16 - and suddenly I’ve gotten ‘big’ - due to a hearty regiment of of weightlifting, boxing and exercise. Gentile sees this as a perfect opportunity to exploit me. Says he’s putting up a new Fabco shoestore in Hoboken, NJ - and if I clean out and dismantle the old store that was there - he’ll pay me BIG MONEY. And - gimme a job after school when the whole thing was finished! So, yeah, of course, I’m down with it.

Now, Gentile has these delusions he’s like Sonny from - ‘A Bronx Tale’, right? The pinky ring, gold chains…wears WAY too much Aqua Velva - and the wave on the front of his hair is, like, crunchy from an excessive amount of Vitalis. In reality, he’s just a short, chubby guy with glasses. He drives me to Hoboken every morning in his silver Cadillac, regaling me with tales of grandeur while chewing Trident gum. The conditions in this building are incredibly BRUTAL. Musty, dusty, and I’m slaving away every day without even a fuckin’ fan to help relieve the relentless summer humidity. Probably saved him thousands from not having to hire a union crew. Then…the day the store opens? This guy unceremoniously FIRES me! WTF?! And he’s so cavalier about it, too - like he just totally disses me. At first, I’m kinda confused - until I figure out what’s going on.

PLAYED! This guy just clowned me, man…now I am pissed. Alright - what goes around comes around, y’know? Finally, I see my perfect opportunity. It’s right around Halloween, and Gentile’s got these two huge jack o’ lanterns on his front steps, with candles inside them to light up the night. So, me and my cousin Skinny sneak over there one night with a bunch of packs of firecrackers we got left over from 4th of July. Skinny delays the fuses, tosses them into the jack o’ lanterns, we ring the doorbell, then bolt across the street, laughing maniacally as we hide behind the bushes.

Gentile opens up the door, sees nobody is there, and starts making all these threats into the night air - like he’s a real tough guy, right? All of a sudden, the firecrackers start going off - BANG! BANG! BANG! Gentile is jumping around - like - like he’s being shot at! Yeah…like it’s a MOB hit, or something. Hahahaha…me and Skinny are DYIN’, man. Skinny laughs like a crow - like that cartoon Heckle and Jekyll - which only serves to further infuriate Gentile.

Then, both the pumpkins EXPLODE - and the insides splatter all over Gentile’s head - his face - and his glasses! He’s shaking his fist, cursing out into the sky, but he can’t see a fuckin’ thing - first, cuz it’s pitch dark out - and second, he’s got pumpkin shit all over his glasses. Hahahahaha…

Revenge is sweet, man.