GRANNY

Joey has an interesting exchange with Esperanza’s ancient grandmother while he waits for her to get redy for ‘The Big Date!’

“Abuelita - Esperanza bends down to speak louder into her ear - tenemos un huesped.”

There is a stirring, as the old woman starts to slowly look up from the TV set.

“Te presento el Joey,” she says, pronouncing her syllables very carefully, as she points to me. The old woman cranes her neck to look up, and suddenly, her eyes lock on me, followed by a kind of tremor that shakes her body.

“Jorge…Jorge”

“No, no abuelita – Joey. No es Jorge - el se llama Joey.”

I peek over at Esperanza questioningly.

“She thinks you’re her son. She’s old, you know.” 

I nod sympathetically.

“Joey, tienes hambre?” She creaks.

“No abuelita, el no habla Español… es Italiano.”

“Italiano?”

“Si, no habla Español, solo Ingles.”

“She don’t speak no English, papi. She watches her grandmother for a minute.

  “Mira, listen, I’m going to change, and wash up and shit, OK?  You could sit here and watch TV, or something. I’ll be out in like fifteen minutes, OK?”

Her bedroom door shuts closed, and now it’s just granny and me, who continues to be fixated on me, like she’s in some kind of fog.

I smile nervously as I peer around the room, scanning for anything that I can rest my eyes upon. There’s pictures on the wall of Esperanza when she’s maybe 13 or 14 years old, with a couple of other girls in a beauty contest.  She’s wearing a banner that reads, Miss Teen Puerto Rico, holding a bouquet of flowers, and crying.

God, she was always beautiful.

There’s other photos, too, fading black and whites, probably from the 50s. A good-looking guy in a Navy uniform. Right below that, there’s a beautiful woman who bears an amazing resemblance to Esperanza, only from another era.

“Jorge, tienes hambre?” I’m awakened from my spell by granny, who’s now smiling at me. I have no idea of what the hell she just said, but I nod my head yes enthusiastically, anyway.

“Ven, ven.”

With a mighty effort, she slowly, carefully raises herself up from the chair, using the equally gnarled wooden cane, resting on it for support. Finally, she’s just about half erect, all four-foot-seven of her, and commences to plod deliberately to the similarly cramped kitchen. I’m torn between being terrified that she might fall apart, and observing her in a sort of detached way. Almost like she was kind of a science experiment. With a wave of her hand, she motions for me to follow, and sit down at the kitchen table.

“Sientase, sientase, Jorge.”

She hobbles over to this monstrous iron pot on the stove, and lifts the top. The mysterious aroma of Puerto Rican food hurries out. Scooping out some of it, and shakily placing it on a plate, she sets down before me a mound of yellow rice and, as far as I can tell, some sort of boiled chicken gizzards.

I just smile and silently pray to myself that Esperanza will be out soon to rescue me.

“Come, Come,” she urges me to eat, and then begins to tell me a story of some kind.

I, of course, am pretending to understand her Spanish, nodding my head the whole time, as she goes on and on. In between, I’m picking around the rice, attempting to avoid the alleged chicken gizzards, which are totally grossing me out now.  

Granny appears to be searching her memory. She’s spinning this story, suddenly alive, and becoming very animated…then cackling uproariously, as she bangs her cane on the floor.

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho!!” I’m laughing along, slapping my knee. We’re having a grand old time, granny and me.

Finally, Esperanza emerges from her bedroom, in the process of putting one of her earrings in.

“What’s going on out here?” She asks, alarm tinging her voice.

Just when I think that she couldn’t possibly look any better - that nobody ever could - she takes it up another level. She’s wearing this black turtleneck mini dress, maybe its wool, I think? Black sheer stockings, and black stiletto velvet boots. Daaamn!

“Oh…uh – nothing! Just - uh - laughing with your grandmother, here.”

She smiles.

“She’s my great grandmother, honey.  You ready to go?”

I get up and thank granny, delighted to at last be escaping the prospect of the deadly chicken gizzards.

Esperanza pulls on her jacket, then bends down to talk to her great grandmother. They converse in Spanish for a minute. Esperanza gives her a kiss on the cheek, helps her back to her armchair - and we’re off.