BLISTERING heat...the kind of day that the air is so thick with humidity, you kinda feel like you’re swimming, y’ know? I mean, even the flies buzzing around me are dragging ass - that’s how  freakin’ brutal it is. I’m doing my best to mop up the ever-streaming torrent of sweat spewing down my forehead with my trusty bandana, as I trudge lethargically down Broad Street, Elizabeth, New Jersey. The year is 1976.

  Suddenly - hoooly shit!! Wow! What is this - a fuckin’ mirage?! I wipe the sweat from the lenses of my hated Benjamin Franklin glasses, thinking perhaps they might be altering my vision - and put them back on. No, no it’s not an illusion at all! There, standing right on the other side of the picture window of the Tijeras de Oro beauty salon, cutting hair - is the most breathtaking creature I have ever encountered in all of my 16 years on this earth! The sheer essence of femaleness...an older woman too, maybe 19, 20 years old.

 I cannot move...cemented in my tracks - unable to look away.

  Caramel colored skin, long brown curly hair, tinted blonde - AND the most AMAZING full lips. Pink lips. I don’t know if they’re just naturally that color or it’s  her lipstick - but they are perfect. Even all that, however, pales in comparison to her truly major asset - hazel green eyes. Hypnotizing green eyes. How could that combination even be imaginable?! It should be against the law - that’s what it should be!

   As if this wasn’t all enough - her body is as if it had been invented by a group of mad scientists at the Playboy mansion! On top of that - she is wearing these incredibly tight white jeans - with red stiletto heels - to match her pink halter top.

Whew!